Catch and Release

So it's now been two straight weeks of destructuring for nearly 7 hours a day. Hopefully that explains why I went to bed around 9 o'clock on a Friday night in New York City. But really, there's only so much trouble one can get into when working on a limited budget.

This last week we dove pretty deep into the tremor work of Fitzmaurice. For those of you who don't know what Fitzmaurice Voicework is all about, let me try to explain in 30 words or less:

It has basically two parts: Destructuring, which involves freeing the muscles of respiration in order to allow freer breath to move through the whole body (Ribs, belly, and hips primarily), and Restructuring, the active control of the mechanisms of breathing in order to use air more efficiently, powerfully, and freely

I'm not sure how many words that was, and honestly if you're counting you missed the point. All that aside, you can learn a lot more about what I'm doing in New York City by visiting Catherine's website: www.fitzmauricevoice.com or Saul Kotzubei's website: www.voicecoachla.com.

I say all of that so hopefully the next things I have to say will make sense. This 4 week process is a teaching certification, but its also a serious workshop for those involved. Its our first real chance to really spend a lot of time deeply exploring the work and how it moves through our body under the ultimate guide. To use my friend John's metaphor, Fitzmaurice voicework is a lot like the Jedi order. Associate teachers (People like Daydrie and Joey, and possibly me soon) are the Jedi knights, skilled in the ways of the voice and practiced enough to represent the work faithfully out on their own. Then there are the Master teachers, which head the 'Jedi Council' and have been working with Catherine for as long as 30 years. Then there is Catherine, the ultimate master, presiding over all like the might Yoda. But don't tell her I said that, she might not find the comparison flattering.

This training is about showing me how to teach others, but perhaps even more its learning how to teach myself. The real beauty of this work is how it changes in each different person, and each new day. Our bodies are hardly the same moment to moment, and doing the destructing work requires one to work with the body as is, in the present moment. That's part of what makes it great training for a performer. But to me, its also great training as a human being. You can't really prepare, because what happens is not likely to fit any previous mold. The muscles and faculties of respiration are what keeps us alive, doing what is necessary from moment to moment to draw the next breath. Often, subconciously, they become a place where the tensions of unreleased emotion get tied up. When we're shaking those things loose, someone could cry, laugh, scream, and sometimes have a huge emotional meltdown. This work is NOT therapy, but often times the results can be theraputic if we let them.

Our bodies are well oiled machines (just ask an adolescent's face). More often than not they work without any conscious thought on our part. Usually, we don't even notice that we're breathing, much less digesting, pumping blood, flexing and unflexing muscles as we move about. Playing around with the border between controlled and uncontrolled is very exciting, as is intentionally trying to bring awareness and freedom to various places on the body. It's really exciting work. But also exhausting.

And in the end, each day is going to be different. The guy who was sobbing on the floor yesterday may never experience that specific kind of release again, because he finally let go of the tears from when his dog died 7 years ago. Or he might. Who knows. You have to put your expectations aside and just be. You can't land the big fish every time you cast out. And, in fact, you don't even want to. You want to cast out your line, see what you pull in (and sometimes its nothing!), then let it go. Discover yourself anew each day, and find the way to be the best you today.